Forced to Let Go
by HPhaeton
Summary: Tsuzuki has finally crossed over into afterlife. His shiki have a hard time dealing with the loss, especially Touda. This started out as a oneshot drabble but grew into an ongoing series. That's why I separated it from my YnM drabble collection.
1. Coup de Grâce

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 100  
**Pairing:** none, Touda-centric  
**Rating:** PG - a bit of violence  
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**Author's Note:** This started out as a oneshot drabble when I was depressed. Later, when I felt better again, I couldn't let it stand that way - so it developed into an ongoing series.

Coup de Grâce

Three days after the wake Suzaku comes for him. Touda remains seated on the rooftop, doesn't even look at her. Ever since he felt Tsuzuki vanish from his mind he was waiting for the inevitable to happen.

"Any last words?"

Her voice is unusually gentle. Maybe she does understand him a bit after all. Killing Touda isn't revenge or execution, it's the coup de grâce. Without Tsuzuki there's nothing left worth existing for.

He shakes his head and lies back to offer his throat. As she lifts the sword over her head Touda closes his eyes and thinks of Tsuzuki.


	2. Prolonged Torture

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 100  
**Pairing:** none, Touda-centric  
**Rating:** PG - a bit of violence

Prolonged Torture

It comes entirely unexpected: the sound of metal clashing on metal, followed by a scream of furious denial.

Touda reluctantly opens his eyes to see two sharp blades close to his face. Souryuu has stopped Suzaku's sword short of decapitating the serpent.

"This is not what Tsuzuki wanted!" The dragon tells the angry phoenix. He doesn't sound happy at the prospect of letting Touda live, though.

Secretly, the serpent hopes that Suzaku won't let this keep her from killing him anyway. He doesn't look forward to returning to his old cell.

But when have they ever asked about Touda's wishes?


	3. Unexpected Mercy

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 100  
**Pairing:** none, Touda-centric  
**Rating:** G  
**Warnings:** none

Unexpected Mercy

They don't put him back into his old cell, instead he gets assigned new living quarters. Inside Tenkuu and close to Souryuu's part of the palace, but the rooms are elegant, light and airy.

There's no way Touda could mistake them for a prison.

It takes a small number of servants just one trip to move his few possessions. Souryuu supervises everything with an unreadable expression on his face.

Hours later Touda finds himself owning more furniture and clothes than he had ever possessed in centuries.

He is still too depressed, though, to feel confusion about the dragon's unexpected mercy.


	4. Nightmares

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 4 x 100  
**Pairing:** Touda-centric, possibly Souryuu/Touda later on  
**Rating:** PG

Nightmares

Touda spends his days in a state of confusion, sitting in his rooms and staring into space. There's nothing left to do, no purpose in his life. Touda's mind and heart are empty again save for painful memories.

At night Touda dreams of Tsuzuki smiling sadly at him, turning away, leaving him behind. In his dreams Touda runs after Tsuzuki, calling his name. But he is never fast enough to catch up with him, and his voice never reaches Tsuzuki's ears.

Waking up doesn't make things better, though. Because it's not just a nightmare, it's the truth. Tsuzuki is gone.

* * *

Touda wakes up screaming for Tsuzuki. Someone has a hard grip on his shoulders, shakes him into consciousness. The serpent struggles for awareness, but the last strands of the nightmare cling to his mind like cobwebs.

He throws himself at the man, crushes him into a desperate embrace. It takes a moment - too long, too long - then arms come around him, press him into a warm, solid chest.

"Tsuzuki."

Touda draws a shuddering breath. Soft lips barely touch his ear as the other man begins to speak, voice filled with pain and longing.

"I'm sorry. I'm not Tsuzuki."

* * *

Realisation hits Touda.

The body in his embrace is slender but tall - taller than Tsuzuki, even taller than Touda - and his hands are tangled in strands of really long hair. Souryuu!

For a moment Touda tenses in shock and fear, then he starts shaking.

His arms drop and he tries to scramble away. The dragon holds him close, though, one strong arm around Touda's shoulders. The other reaches out for something beside him.

"Calm down. Here, drink this."

A cup is pressed against his lips. Touda obeys and takes a sip. Hot chocolate?

"Tenkou had a nightmare, too."

* * *

When his head sags to Souryuu's shoulder, Touda knows something is wrong. Soon he isn't able to keep himself upright any more and leans heavily against the dragon.

"…drugged…your daughter?"

The words come out in a slur. Speaking takes too much effort, though.

"She needs the rest. As do you."

Touda's world tilts as Souryuu lowers him back to the bed and tucks him in like one of his children. His eyes fall shut and the last things he knows before consciousness leaves him are warm hands and the dragon's voice.

"I apologise for ever doubting your devotion to Tsuzuki."

* * *

tbc...


	5. Changes

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 2 x 100  
**Pairing:** Touda-centric, possibly Souryuu/Touda later on  
**Rating:** PG

Changes

One moment he is sitting on the balcony, the next he finds himself lying flat on his back inside his rooms. The floor beneath him still shakes and where there had been windows and doors a few seconds ago there is now solid wall.

Before he can even try to wrap his mind around what just happened he registers a crashing sound and a cry of pain and fury from outside. Suzaku!

"You…protected me." It's as much a question as it is a statement.

"Souryuu's orders." Tenkuu grumbles. There's nothing of his usual hostility towards Touda in his voice, though.

* * *

Tenkuu is quiet around Touda. Has been ever since the serpent got moved back into the palace, but Touda only starts noticing after Suzaku's repeated attempt at his life.

The palace has stopped threatening and guarding Touda, at least it seems that way to the serpent. Gone is the feeling of being watched by countless eyes and his rooms are free of the hatred he experienced in his cell.

Touda doesn't want to admit it, but he is grateful for the silence. He isn't sure that he could handle Tenkuu's usual barbs and taunts in his current state of mind.

* * *

tbc…


	6. Development

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 4 x 100  
**Pairing:** Touda-centric, possibly Souryuu/Touda later on  
**Rating:** PG

Development

"Come with me."

Touda blinks and looks up at Souryuu's words. He hadn't even noticed the dragon entering his quarters. What does he want with Touda? The serpent gets up and hesitantly follows Souryuu - out of the palace?

Not his cell then. Maybe the dragon decided to execute Touda after all. Souryuu seems unhurried, though, leading them slowly through the gardens around Tenkuu. His grim expression and silence don't ease the serpent's worries.

After a while Touda can't stand the tension any more.

"Where are we going?"

Souryuu gives him a brief glance.

"Nowhere special. Just taking a walk."

* * *

Touda looks at Souryuu in doubt. Taking a walk. That's all? Why would the dragon want his company?

"You didn't go outside all week. I thought you needed a bit of daylight and a change of scenery."

The dragon sounds sincere, and to his own surprise Touda actually believes him.

Instant relief drains all strength from the serpent. Days and nights of not eating and barely getting any sleep take their toll and suddenly Touda feels light-headed.

Spots dance before his eyes and, balance gone, he stumbles. The ground comes racing closer all on its own.

Then everything goes black.

* * *

"You want me to touch _that_?"

Kouchin's voice is filled with disgust. Touda keeps silent, pretends he's still unconscious.

"Just do as ordered!" Souryuu sounds angry and impatient.

Kouchin's aversion taints the magic running through his body as she scans him, making Touda feel sick and violated. He feels bile rising up his throat and gives up pretence. Rolling over, he starts gagging.

Soon, there's nothing left but dry heaving and he becomes aware of someone rubbing his back gently.

"I'm sorry", Souryuu says softly, "I needed to know if it's something more serious than not enough food and sleep."

* * *

"Let's get you back inside."

Touda nods weakly and gets up from the ground. He is trembling from exhaustion and would have fallen down again if it wasn't for Souryuu's arm around his waist.

Touda doesn't resist the dragon, has even stopped instinctively flinching away from his touch. Since Tsuzuki is gone, Souryuu has done nothing to harm the serpent.

By the time they reach Touda's quarters the dragon practically carries him. Touda lets Souryuu help him to bed, too tired to feel embarrassment. But the dragon doesn't go; instead he sits down besides the serpent.

"We need to talk."

* * *

tbc...


	7. Turning Point

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei and all it's characters belong to Matsushita Yoko and Hakusensha

**Words:** 4 x 100  
**Pairing:** Touda-centric, possibly Souryuu/Touda later on  
**Rating:** PG

**Author's Note: **Many many thanks to Willidan, who helped me over my writer's block and to Rushlight for beta-ing and encouragement.

Turning Point

Touda doesn't want to talk or even listen to what the dragon has to say, but Souryuu's presence is hard to ignore and the serpent wishes he would simply get it over with and leave.

For a very short time compared to the entire length of Touda's existence he lived by Tsuzuki's will, in freedom only because of Tsuzuki, not caring about anything or anyone else. Now he has stopped caring at all.

Whatever the dragon tells him won't change that. Now all that's left to wish for is sleep. At least in his nightmares he can see Tsuzuki again.

* * *

"Decades ago I promised Tsuzuki I would be there for you if anything happened to him. I swore to help and protect you."

Touda feels relief at the blunt statement. Souryuu's actions of late suddenly make sense.

Tsuzuki had always felt responsible for his shiki and would have trusted the dragon to honour a promise even after their bond was broken.

"At that time I didn't want to accept the depth of your relationship, so I wasn't prepared for your pain. Now I'm at a loss. It can't go on like this. You have to actually _let_ me help you!"

* * *

"Tsuzuki wanted you to be alive, free and happy. You won't be put back into prison and you won't be executed. You are under my protection now."

Touda winces in surprise as Souryuu's hand lightly touches the visor.

"I can't free you from this, though. I officially accepted responsibility for you, but that is all I can do."

Souryuu's tone is strong and sure and something inside Touda relaxes. Not that he actually wants to be alive, but the feeling of insecurity about his fate is finally gone.

This is a lot more than the serpent might ever have expected.

* * *

Souryuu hesitates for a moment. When he speaks again his voice is gentle.

"You are my responsibility now, but that doesn't mean I can make you happy. I need you to work with me. Can you do that?"

Touda has no answer for him. He doesn't know how to snap out of this lethargy, out of this depression.

"Then promise me something. Don't seek death. Stay close to me. Accept my help and make an attempt."

Touda's throat feels dry and all that escapes is a small choking sound. He is grateful that the visor hides his eyes.

"I promise."

* * *

tbc…


End file.
